A death notice is a paid announcement, usually in small type and generally placed by the funeral director. TWO SIDES TO A STORYĭEAR ABBY: There is a difference between an obituary and a death notice. I was left out of my first husband's obituary, but I got over it. I understand how some children might decide to omit a parent if the divorce wasn't a friendly one. Here in Iowa, it is common for the obituary to show that a couple married, had children and were divorced. NAME WITHHELD IN CONNECTICUTĭEAR ABBY: Genealogy researchers often use obituaries to find the parents or children of families.
Because some people even include pets among survivors, you would think an ex-spouse would receive the same consideration. It is the right of the surviving family to decide the contents of the obituary. It is becoming more common to see "So-and-so" was the former wife and good friend of "the deceased," which is a nice development. Read on:ĭEAR ABBY: I've worked in newspapers on the East Coast for the past 11 years, and I can tell you that mentioning a divorced spouse's name is totally a matter of individual and family preference. LESLIE IN PORT ANGELES, WASH.ĭEAR LESLIE: Thank you for pointing out your valid reasons for including former spouses in an obituary. Second, I did not want people reading the obituary to think my siblings and I were children from my father's second marriage.Īn obituary should serve as a historical account of our loved one's life - not a battlefield.
I was adamant that my biological mother be listed in my father's obituary for two reasons: First, the obituary serves as a historical document.
Although their divorce was painful, they remained on friendly terms throughout their lives. My parents divorced when I was in grade school, and each parent had remarried by my freshman year in high school. My siblings and I faced this same scenario after my father passed away.
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